I don't know where to start really, so I guess I'll start this with a flashback to summer 2013. I guess you could call it the story of us.
summer 2013/2014
So around that time, my church was having its yearly Vacation Bible School. To be honest, it was really just an ordinary week, until my friend's cousin came at least. At the time, I would probably describe her as a scrawny filipino girl who wasn't very talkative at the time (that's changed) a lot. She had come from the west coast to spend time with her cousin that summer, and somehow I hadn't met her until that week of VBS. Really, I never actually had interest in her to begin with but I guess once you're around people for a good amount of time, you start to see more than just what they are on the outside. She was smart, bright, and a "bundle of joy" if you wanna put it that way. When she left a few days later, we kinda decided the interest was mutual but it was too late. To speed up the story, the same thing happened the next year when she came except we did get a little closer. But this time around, we did stay in contact when she left for Seattle. A few months passed and you could call it a "casual relationship"; we weren't actually dating but the feelings were mutual. It was crazy because out of nowhere, she kinda just cut me off because her life was getting a little too stressful (since it was her first year of high school that year). Sitting there a little heartbroken, I did accept it a few weeks later. Months passed and I guess she noticed that pushing me away didn't bring her much good once school settled. She resorted to things that teenagers typically resort to in times of stress and anxiety. Sitting in little Delaware, I couldn't do anything. I cared so much but it didn't seem to be enough at the time. Her life hit the lowest point and I couldn't do anything about it. It's kinda just that feeling you get when you wanna help someone but can't do it. It hurt. But soon enough she did find some of her happiness again even though some of it may have been just artificial.
summer 2015
That upcoming summer, she didn't plan on coming back to the east coast, partially because of how things went down the previous year (maybe). But she came back. I was still somewhat hurt deep inside but she did apologize to me. And it was genuine. At least it seemed genuine. I told myself that I wouldn't get myself into the same situation 3 years in a row. But I did. And it was great. Things went so well that summer and it felt like nothing could stop us. So many thoughts were going through my mind. Is she the one? Is she gonna cut me off again? Is this right? Those are just a few of the questions jumping in my mind. At the back of my mind was the thought that I would get hurt yet again. But time and time again she reassured me that she's changed and that it won't happen this time. And I believed her. By the time she settled back in Seattle at the end of that summer, we seemed unstoppable. She already had plans of going to UD for college so of course it's meant to be right? Wrong. After so many words of reassurance, she cut me off yet again. For what reason? I don't know. And yet again, I was left hurt, broken, filled with anger and hate and regret. Why wouldn't you be mad? You believe the same girl for 3 years hoping that she changes and countless times she breaks you. It took me around a month to get myself together. And I was pretty darn good at hiding it all (at least I thought lol). And you would ask, how exactly does your long sad story help me?
still here.
I don't know where you're at in your life right now and maybe you could care less about everything that was said in this whole post but maybe you'll get a little something from this. Maybe you've been hurt by someone you thought would be your person in the many years to come. Or maybe you just need a little something to help you in a bad relationship. I'm no expert but what I do know is that harboring all your hate, regret, and anger inside will only make your situation worse. I've grown to learn that you need to hit the valleys (low points) in your life so that rejoicing at the mountaintop (high points) will be much more sweeter. All of the hardships you face now will slowly but surely shape the person you'll become in the future. Sometimes we're quick to pinpoint all the bad things about someone. Sometimes we're quick to hold grudges against people who've done you wrong but what's the point? At the end of the day, the past is the past and you have to keep moving. In this situation, you could block the people who've done wrong against you but reality is, no one's winning that battle. I've found that it's easier to forgive someone instead of living a life of grudges. Instead of kicking that person out of your life, you can be a positive influence in their life. It's better to be a positive influence in the lives of others instead of completely avoiding them. You may be just what they need in their low points too. The forgiveness and grace you show others will come back around someday. It's important to find yourself and get back up because it's never time to have a pity party. It's corny to end with a saying so I'll just end it like this
f i n d i n g glen
Right on! Your zen vibe is so right, and if we can always see things as positive, they will become positive.Your application of this to relationships is to be applauded as it will make you a better person and in the end, what you want will come to you in a patient, effortless flow.
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